1992 part 2
We were standing in the middle of a quiet street, in the rain, and in the dark.
With no where to go, I phoned my sister and asked her if she would put us up for a few nights, thankfully
she agreed and we soon piled into her small two bedroom rented flat.
The children soon fell asleep and after me and glenda had unloaded the truck of our possesions, we
too fell to sleep, exhausted, but happy.
I was glad to be back in my home town, amongst friends and family and was touched by my sisters offer
of help.
The next few days saw me take on the role of the provider, something I learnt from scratch, as my
father had always passed that responsibility to others.
In less than a week I found us a house and although I didnt have the money for a deposit, I charmed
the land lady into handing over the keys.
Money was so tight that we couldnt afford another removal van, so bit by bit, we piled our things
into cherish's buggy and made the 2 mile journey to our new home many times that day.
At last, we were settled. The boys were happy with their extra large bedroom and sprawling garden.
Glenda was happy with the kitchen and settling down to being a housewife again. And as happy as I should have been, something
was nagging at me, something I knew would be best for all of us to be well hidden.
All I had to do, was look at cherish and it seemed my problems melted away.
The only trouble on the horizon we could see was the boys father finding out where we were.
Glenda still hadnt written to him and as much as I hated him, I couldnt help but think what the man
must have been going through.
Both ben and nick were glad to be away from all the hassle but I was sure they shared a sense of sadness
for their father.
As father figures go, I was a poor one. Before cherish was born, I was their friend. I helped them
out with homework, took them to school in the morning and collected them at hometime. I learnt how to give ben his insulin
injections for his diabetis and I knew all about the latest video games and pop music. I was essentially still a kid
myself. I had a lot of growing up to do.
But after I held my own child, my attitude towards the boys changed. I distanced myself from them,
preferring to spend as much time as possible with my daughter.
Looking back, I regret the way I behaved towards them and have carried a lot of guilt over the years
because of the way I shut them out.
A few years ago, I managed to speak to ben and he told me he knew why I changed and didnt hold anything
against me. He understood perfectly and I knew then what a fine young man he would become.
It was tough on glenda, living in a strange town. She had spent all her life amongst her large family
and friends and she grew homesick. So we invited her sister and brother in law down for a long weekend.
On their first day, I thought it would be a good idea to take everyone out sight seeing. Show them
some of the haunts that made my town so great.
It was a bright sunny day and as a family we felt on top of the world. Glenda was walking infront
with her family, ben and nick were behind and I was pushing cherish in her buggy, trying to keep up.
Suddenly I heard tyres screech and a sickening thud and realised a car had mounted the pavement
and ploughed into cherish's buggy.
It was over in seconds, the car came to a halt and as I panicked, checking that my daughter was safe,
I saw glenda's ex husband get out the car and head straight for his ex wife.
As he punched her, my first instinct wasnt for her safety, but for cherish's. He had tried to harm
her once before and I was damn sure he wouldnt try again.
Someone told me to run to to a phone box and call the police. So with cherish screaming I ran over
the busy main road to a newsagents. The shop keeper didnt want any trouble and refused to help. Frantic, I kept running until
I saw a hairdressers.
The old lady who owned it was more then helpful. I made the call and she shut me and cherish
out in the stock room to hide us in case glenda's ex husband came looking for me.
Eventually he was arrested, but again the police treated it as a domestic.
We learnt that he was staying in a hotel a few streets away from us. The boys were too scared to go
out. I wanted to find the bastard, slash his tyres, kill him. But I did understand why he had acted the way he did, even if
he had gone about it the wrong way.
So we had travelled to the other side of the country to escape this man, just like I had escaped from
my own father, but it seemed it was all for nothing.
I began to get depressed thinking that in time, my own dad would come looking for me.
Things between me and glenda had hit rock bottom too. I could only perform my duties to her if I was
drunk, she noticed this but knew it was the only way to have a bit of fun in bed.
The bottle became my friend. I didnt care what it was as long as it was cheap and made me feel cheerful.
My only promise to myself was to make sure cherish never saw me drinking. I wanted her to grow up respecting me. I wanted
to be her hero.
When deep down, I realised I was still very much gay and I needed a hero too.
