|
|
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to
catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom
onto his
penis in preparation of sex with his wife. Johnny's father in
attempt to hide his full erection with a condom
on it bent over
as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asked curiously, "What ya doin'dad?" His father
quickly replied, "I
thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed."
To which Little Johnny replied, "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"
Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an
anatomy
lesson oneday, soshe took off all of her clothes and pointed to
her vagina,and said,"Johnny, this is where you come from."
Johnnywent to school the next day smiling and insisting that all
his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny." "Why?" one asked.
Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, Because I came this close
to being a turd."
There was this homosexual king who forbade all heterosexual sex in
his kingdom. The people of course, were infuriated.
The angry mob howled
at the doors to the palace. The frightened courtiers came up to him, and
said: "Heed the mob,
O king, the men are crying for broads."
Unrepentant, the king says, "Let them eat cock".
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys 1 apple, a salad for 1, a pizza for 1, and 1 can of soda. She takes it up to
the register and the man at the register say, "you're single aren't you...?" The woman replies, "Yes, how did you know?" Then
the man said, "Your fucking ugly."
|
|
|
|
|
|
A Girls Prayer
Lord
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who's willy's thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the wanker you sent me instead.
Amen.
A Boy's Prayer:
Lord
I pray for a lady with big tits.
Amen
A guy is out riding his snowmobile along the frozen tundra of Alaska when it starts making a strange noise, so he rides
down into town to the mechanic. "Looks like you blew a seal," the mechanic tells the guy. "No," he replies while wiping his
face, "that's just snot."
|
|
|
|
|
|
There's no business like show business,
but there's no job like a blowjob
"Doc" said the young lesbian lying down on the
couch, "you've got to help
me! Every night I have the same horrible
dream. I'm
lying in bed when all
of a sudden five beautiful women rush in and start
tearing off my clothes."
The
psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?" "I
push them away."
"I see. What do you want me to do?"
The patient
implored. "Break my arms."
Q: What did one ball say to the other ball?
A: Don't play with the guy in the middle, he's a dick.
A man was constipated. It was serious, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor said "I'm going to give you some
suppositories. I'll put one in now and I'll give you another one for later." The man goes home and starts feeling sick again.
He asks has his wife to put a suppository in. She puts one hand on his shoulder and sticks the suppository in. "AAAAAAAHHHHH!"
he screamed. His wife asks him, "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" "No, I just realized that the doctor had both of his hands
on my shoulders!"
|
|
|