I became utterly engrossed in Cherish. I would literally spend hours just
watching as she slept making sure she was ok, and breathing in her preciousness.
I had no problem waking up in the night to cuddle her back to sleep, I never let her out my sight.
So I had found the love of my child, it was time to give something to Glenda.
I told her I loved her and I made a vow that my future would include Glenda and the children.
Family and friends were visiting and writing in their congratulations. One of those to write was my
dad.
He wanted to say well done for the baby and he didnt want me going to mum's upcoming wedding.
I knew he wanted something, he couldnt just be happy for me.
Mum had accepted her boyfriends proposal. I welcomed the idea. Me and my sister would fantasise that
mum would divorce dad and find a new man.
Of course I would be going to the wedding and I wrote back to my dad, not only telling him that, but
also letting him know exactly what I thought of him.
I got everything out, all the hatred and the odd swear-word, and after posting it I felt a great weight
lift from my shoulders.
It was the first step on my road to recovery.
For all her faults, glenda could see I was suffering and being pretty clued up on mental illness,
she helped me through it step by step.
She showed me how to write down all the bad things that happened in childhood and then burn the paper
as if to release the demons locked within. I tried it and it didnt work!
She also told me to tell my mum everything when she next visited.
This I did.
I took mum for a walk and we ended up in an abandoned play park. We both took a swing and I began.
She was told that her son didnt think she loved him because she never rescued him from his fathers
fists.
I watched my mother cry with a mixture of fascination and guilt.
In a horrid way I wanted her to cry almost as some kind of revenge, but the grown up me hugged her,
apologised and realised why she never stepped in to help.
When we got back home she was still crying. I looked in on her and she was hugging her boyfriend
- I felt awful and wished I had never told her.
I submerged myself in suburbia and effectively went straight. Even as far as grabbing a few beers
and shooting some pool.
Even as far as not minding when glenda wanted sex.
Everything I did was for my daughter.
Glendas ex husband had not been any trouble so the injunction was lifted.
When he could gain access again he started causing trouble. Although there was no fighting, there
was a lot of shouting and I shielded Cherish from it as best I could.
One evening after a bad encounter with their dad. Ben asked us if we could all move.
Nick felt the same, the pressure from their father was too much, as a family we had to get out.
We arranged to leave plymouth and come to my hometown. We packed all our belongings into the back
of a truck and hoped that the boys father wouldnt turn up.
We hadnt told him we were moving. It was Ben and Nick's idea, I think they just wanted a peaceful
life.
We agreed to get in touch with him when we arrived.
The move was horrible, me, glenda, ben and nick and cherish were crammed in the back of the truck
with our belongings.
The journey took eight hours.
We stepped out the truck and breathed in the air of a new town. We were homeless, but happy.
We were a family.
